Rearing an infant is not always sunshine and smiles. When you’re dealing with a high-needs/ high-maintenance child like my daughter, you’re bound to have some loose screws along the way. Most times, I manage with a breeze. But being extremely unpredictable, there are days that she completely drives me nuts.
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| Get yourself ready for this all-day long, mommy. Lia at 1 month |
People often blame me for
having “spoiled” the kid. It’s the sling, it’s the fact you hold her close to
you all-day,they say.
The husband sometimes asks, when is she going to stop being so clingy? I used to tell him it would probably be the 3rd month, then 5. I simply gave up counting the days and accepted that she is what she is.
What worked today may not work tomorrow. After all, the time she’ll spend fussing and demanding the breasts and the arms at constant is really short if you’ll compare it to the years she’ll be away from me later on. If you’re still comparing your baby to your neighbor’s, stop. Not all babies are the same. Every baby has her own normal set of skills, attitudes and milestones. That I say to you who constantly critique other mommies’ parenting skills.
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| “Geez, are you still counting the days when I’ll be ‘normal’ like other kids?” |
If adults are accepted for their own personalities, why shouldn’t babies be given that same consideration? Why should we dictate what is convenient and logical to us adults to a baby who has no capability for adult logic yet? Have we forgotten that no matter how primordial they are, they too are influenced by genes as unique as their mothers and fathers are?
Most times, yes, Lia may seem like the unhappy child. She
fusses at the slightest noise. She is averted to strangers since her 3 ½ months in the world. She cries relentlessly when
put down regardless if I’m in the same room or not. She’s a terrible sleeper. But in between those times
too, we see a child that’s brimming with such vigor and vitality that being only 6 kilograms, she easily exhausts a mother who’s ten times her weight. We see a child who’s keen and sensitive to her environment, her needs; a child who tends to form very deep attachments, who prefers skin
to artificial contraptions and joy givers. Certainly good things, are they not?
So cheer up, first time mom. You’re not alone. It’s a rollercoaster ride of sorts, but hey, ain’t a hug and a smile just makes it all worth it?
Here’s another first time mom note I got off the babycenter forum, written by Mia Krug. Super, super love this and I can totally relate! It echoes much of a first time mom’s predicament, struggles and all. Read, dear mommy, you need a good laugh once in a while.
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| A smile is always enough to brighten up a tired mommy’s day |
what’s “wrong” with your baby, or how you should be caring for her.
It’s easy to doubt yourself as a first time mom.
You see all the other babies and wonder what you’re doing wrong. They sit there
in their carseats while their moms grocery shop, asleep or calmly alert. Your
baby wouldn’t last 5 minutes like that! She’d be red faced and wailing. She’s
always fussy, always unhappy. She doesn’t sleep well. If she wasn’t so
damned cute you would have sold her to a pack of gypsies or turned her loose to
be raised by wolves.
You tried everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. Changing your diet if you
breastfeed, changing formula if you formula feed. Is it gas, colic, reflux,
allergies? Is she too hot or too cold? Is she overtired, overstimulated, bored?
Maybe she wants to be held, be put down, walked around, bounced? Is she hungry
or wet? How about probiotic drops, swaddling, or gripe water? You’ve bought all
the contraptions that people swear by, the Rock n Play, a mama roo, everything.
She could take or leave a paci, you’ve tried all kinds of bottles. Gee, could
she be teething early?? You analyze poop color, scanning for mucous. You make
an appointment with the ped. You buy blackout cutains and a noise machine. You
start a nighttime routine. You read a half dozen parenting books and read
blogs. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR BABY?!?!
When she DOES sleep everything that makes noise must DIE. You’ve memorized
every creaky spot in the house. You HATE deliveries. If you have a dog, you’ve
considered strangling him. You have so much pent up stress that sometimes you
lie awake waiting for her to wake.
You wonder why the hell you had this child. You love her to pieces. You regret
having her. No you don’t. Yes you do. No you… You cry. You feel guilty. You
feel bipolar and crazily out of control.
People tell you things get better at 4 weeks, but they didn’t. The new
milestone becomes 6 weeks, then 8. Now you are hoping that 3 months is the
magic switch (that) will flip and things will turn around.
You wonder if babies are supposed to be like this and you are just a shitty
mom. You wonder how much more of this you can take. You realize you have no say
in the matter.
Now listen. Take a deep breath. You are NOT a shitty mom. There MIGHT be a
reason why your baby is so unhappy, but chances are, there is NO REASON. So you
can tell anyone who is critical, unhelpful and know-it-all that they can go to
hell. You have good instincts. Don’t let anyone convince you that they know
more about your baby than you do. TRUST YOURSELF. Stop clinging to an age when
you promise yourself it will be better. You are just setting yourself up for disappointment when things don’t happen according to
plan. Tell yourself that you will JUST GET THROUGH TODAY. Find someone who will
listen to you bitch all day long and be supportive.
If you are brave enough to ever have another child after all you’ve been
through, you just might feel validated when he sleeps through the night at an
early age, sits alert and happy at the grocery store, has his fussy moments,
but seems like the NORMAL baby you were always supposing you would have.
Buck up mama! It’s a long hard road, but you can do it! And all those
know-it-alls? Fuck ’em! They’re clueless! You’re doing an AWESOME job!”
